diff --git a/workspaces/adventure-pack/jest.config.js b/workspaces/adventure-pack/jest.config.js
deleted file mode 100644
index 56068c3d..00000000
--- a/workspaces/adventure-pack/jest.config.js
+++ /dev/null
@@ -1,6 +0,0 @@
-const config = {
-  preset: "ts-jest",
-  testEnvironment: "node",
-};
-
-export default config;
diff --git a/workspaces/adventure-pack/jest.config.ts b/workspaces/adventure-pack/jest.config.ts
new file mode 100644
index 00000000..5507e3b3
--- /dev/null
+++ b/workspaces/adventure-pack/jest.config.ts
@@ -0,0 +1,44 @@
+import type { Config } from "jest";
+
+const config: Config = {
+  preset: "ts-jest",
+  testEnvironment: "node",
+};
+
+export default config;
+
+// Hack to make this config runnable as a script, since the combination of
+// Jest, ESM, and a TypeScript config has been painful to get working otherwise.
+import("node:process").then(async ({ default: process }) => {
+  if (import.meta.filename !== process.argv[1]) {
+    return;
+  }
+
+  try {
+    const { spawnWithSafeStdio } = await import(
+      "@code-chronicles/util/spawnWithSafeStdio"
+    );
+    await spawnWithSafeStdio(
+      "jest",
+      ["--color", "-c", JSON.stringify(config), ...process.argv.slice(2)],
+      {
+        stdio: "inherit",
+        env: {
+          ...process.env,
+          NODE_OPTIONS: [
+            "--experimental-vm-modules",
+            process.env.NODE_OPTIONS?.trim(),
+          ]
+            .filter(Boolean)
+            .join(" "),
+        },
+      },
+    );
+  } catch (err) {
+    console.error(
+      (err as Record<string, unknown> | null | undefined)?.message ?? err,
+    );
+    // eslint-disable-next-line require-atomic-updates -- Updating `process.exitCode` on error is logical.
+    process.exitCode = 1;
+  }
+});
diff --git a/workspaces/adventure-pack/package.json b/workspaces/adventure-pack/package.json
index 717fea67..dfc48044 100644
--- a/workspaces/adventure-pack/package.json
+++ b/workspaces/adventure-pack/package.json
@@ -47,10 +47,10 @@
     "goodies:python3:test": "bash goodies/python3/test.sh",
     "goodies:typescript:format": "prettier --color --write goodies/typescript",
     "goodies:typescript:install": "yarn",
-    "goodies:typescript:test": "jest --color \"/goodies/typescript/\"",
+    "goodies:typescript:test": "tsx ./jest.config.ts \"/goodies/typescript/\"",
     "build-app": "tsx src/scripts/build/main.ts",
     "build-chrome-extension": "tsx src/scripts/build/buildChromeExtension.ts",
-    "package-goodies:test": "cross-env NODE_OPTIONS=\"--experimental-vm-modules\" jest --color --testPathIgnorePatterns=\"<rootDir>/goodies/\"",
+    "package-goodies:test": "tsx ./jest.config.ts --testPathIgnorePatterns=\"<rootDir>/goodies/\"",
     "format": "yarn goodies:java:format && yarn goodies:kotlin:format && yarn goodies:python3:format && yarn goodies:typescript:format && prettier --color --write .",
     "lint": "eslint --color --max-warnings=0 .",
     "postinstall": "yarn goodies:java:install && yarn goodies:kotlin:install && yarn goodies:python3:install",
diff --git a/workspaces/util/jest.config.mts b/workspaces/util/jest.config.mts
new file mode 100644
index 00000000..5507e3b3
--- /dev/null
+++ b/workspaces/util/jest.config.mts
@@ -0,0 +1,44 @@
+import type { Config } from "jest";
+
+const config: Config = {
+  preset: "ts-jest",
+  testEnvironment: "node",
+};
+
+export default config;
+
+// Hack to make this config runnable as a script, since the combination of
+// Jest, ESM, and a TypeScript config has been painful to get working otherwise.
+import("node:process").then(async ({ default: process }) => {
+  if (import.meta.filename !== process.argv[1]) {
+    return;
+  }
+
+  try {
+    const { spawnWithSafeStdio } = await import(
+      "@code-chronicles/util/spawnWithSafeStdio"
+    );
+    await spawnWithSafeStdio(
+      "jest",
+      ["--color", "-c", JSON.stringify(config), ...process.argv.slice(2)],
+      {
+        stdio: "inherit",
+        env: {
+          ...process.env,
+          NODE_OPTIONS: [
+            "--experimental-vm-modules",
+            process.env.NODE_OPTIONS?.trim(),
+          ]
+            .filter(Boolean)
+            .join(" "),
+        },
+      },
+    );
+  } catch (err) {
+    console.error(
+      (err as Record<string, unknown> | null | undefined)?.message ?? err,
+    );
+    // eslint-disable-next-line require-atomic-updates -- Updating `process.exitCode` on error is logical.
+    process.exitCode = 1;
+  }
+});
diff --git a/workspaces/util/jest.config.ts b/workspaces/util/jest.config.ts
deleted file mode 100644
index c5e46bb4..00000000
--- a/workspaces/util/jest.config.ts
+++ /dev/null
@@ -1,8 +0,0 @@
-import type { Config } from "jest";
-
-const config: Config = {
-  preset: "ts-jest",
-  testEnvironment: "node",
-};
-
-export default config;
diff --git a/workspaces/util/package.json b/workspaces/util/package.json
index 21c5f981..015c6686 100644
--- a/workspaces/util/package.json
+++ b/workspaces/util/package.json
@@ -19,7 +19,7 @@
   "scripts": {
     "format": "prettier --color --write .",
     "lint": "eslint --color --max-warnings=0 .",
-    "test": "jest --color .",
+    "test": "tsx ./jest.config.mts",
     "typecheck": "tsc --pretty --project ."
   },
   "dependencies": {
@@ -35,7 +35,7 @@
     "jest": "29.7.0",
     "prettier": "3.3.3",
     "ts-jest": "29.2.5",
-    "ts-node": "10.9.2",
+    "tsx": "4.19.1",
     "type-fest": "4.26.1",
     "typescript": "5.6.2"
   }
diff --git a/workspaces/util/src/spawnWithSafeStdio.ts b/workspaces/util/src/spawnWithSafeStdio.ts
index ee4352b2..804f102e 100644
--- a/workspaces/util/src/spawnWithSafeStdio.ts
+++ b/workspaces/util/src/spawnWithSafeStdio.ts
@@ -1,27 +1,29 @@
 import process from "node:process";
 import { spawn, type SpawnOptions } from "node:child_process";
 
+// TODO: audit callsites since the behavior is changing
+
 export function spawnWithSafeStdio(
   command: string,
   args: readonly string[],
-  options?: Omit<SpawnOptions, "stdio">,
+  options?: SpawnOptions,
 ): Promise<void> {
   return new Promise((resolve, reject) => {
     const childProcess = spawn(command, args, {
-      ...options,
+      // When using "inherit" mode, it sometimes broke the interaction with
+      // the actions/github-script@v7 GitHub Action, so we default to piping.
+      stdio: ["ignore", "pipe", "pipe"],
 
       // Without a shell specified, many comands seem to fail to spawn on
       // Windows. I verified that it's not a PATH issue. It seems like it's
       // probably https://github.com/nodejs/node-v0.x-archive/issues/5841
       ...(process.platform === "win32" && { shell: options?.shell ?? "bash" }),
 
-      // When using "inherit" mode, it sometimes broke the interaction with
-      // the actions/github-script@v7 GitHub Action...
-      stdio: ["ignore", "pipe", "pipe"],
+      ...options,
     });
 
-    childProcess.stdout.pipe(process.stdout);
-    childProcess.stderr.pipe(process.stderr);
+    childProcess.stdout?.pipe(process.stdout);
+    childProcess.stderr?.pipe(process.stderr);
 
     childProcess.on("error", reject);
     childProcess.on("exit", (exitCode) => {
diff --git a/yarn.lock b/yarn.lock
index 9b5fa03b..c22b073f 100644
--- a/yarn.lock
+++ b/yarn.lock
@@ -689,22 +689,13 @@ __metadata:
     nullthrows: "patch:nullthrows@npm%3A1.1.1#~/.yarn/patches/nullthrows-npm-1.1.1-3d1f817134.patch"
     prettier: "npm:3.3.3"
     ts-jest: "npm:29.2.5"
-    ts-node: "npm:10.9.2"
+    tsx: "npm:4.19.1"
     type-fest: "npm:4.26.1"
     typescript: "npm:5.6.2"
     zod: "npm:3.23.8"
   languageName: unknown
   linkType: soft
 
-"@cspotcode/source-map-support@npm:^0.8.0":
-  version: 0.8.1
-  resolution: "@cspotcode/source-map-support@npm:0.8.1"
-  dependencies:
-    "@jridgewell/trace-mapping": "npm:0.3.9"
-  checksum: 10c0/05c5368c13b662ee4c122c7bfbe5dc0b613416672a829f3e78bc49a357a197e0218d6e74e7c66cfcd04e15a179acab080bd3c69658c9fbefd0e1ccd950a07fc6
-  languageName: node
-  linkType: hard
-
 "@discordjs/builders@npm:^1.8.2":
   version: 1.9.0
   resolution: "@discordjs/builders@npm:1.9.0"
@@ -1326,7 +1317,7 @@ __metadata:
   languageName: node
   linkType: hard
 
-"@jridgewell/resolve-uri@npm:^3.0.3, @jridgewell/resolve-uri@npm:^3.1.0":
+"@jridgewell/resolve-uri@npm:^3.1.0":
   version: 3.1.2
   resolution: "@jridgewell/resolve-uri@npm:3.1.2"
   checksum: 10c0/d502e6fb516b35032331406d4e962c21fe77cdf1cbdb49c6142bcbd9e30507094b18972778a6e27cbad756209cfe34b1a27729e6fa08a2eb92b33943f680cf1e
@@ -1357,16 +1348,6 @@ __metadata:
   languageName: node
   linkType: hard
 
-"@jridgewell/trace-mapping@npm:0.3.9":
-  version: 0.3.9
-  resolution: "@jridgewell/trace-mapping@npm:0.3.9"
-  dependencies:
-    "@jridgewell/resolve-uri": "npm:^3.0.3"
-    "@jridgewell/sourcemap-codec": "npm:^1.4.10"
-  checksum: 10c0/fa425b606d7c7ee5bfa6a31a7b050dd5814b4082f318e0e4190f991902181b4330f43f4805db1dd4f2433fd0ed9cc7a7b9c2683f1deeab1df1b0a98b1e24055b
-  languageName: node
-  linkType: hard
-
 "@jridgewell/trace-mapping@npm:^0.3.12, @jridgewell/trace-mapping@npm:^0.3.18, @jridgewell/trace-mapping@npm:^0.3.20, @jridgewell/trace-mapping@npm:^0.3.24, @jridgewell/trace-mapping@npm:^0.3.25":
   version: 0.3.25
   resolution: "@jridgewell/trace-mapping@npm:0.3.25"
@@ -1533,34 +1514,6 @@ __metadata:
   languageName: node
   linkType: hard
 
-"@tsconfig/node10@npm:^1.0.7":
-  version: 1.0.11
-  resolution: "@tsconfig/node10@npm:1.0.11"
-  checksum: 10c0/28a0710e5d039e0de484bdf85fee883bfd3f6a8980601f4d44066b0a6bcd821d31c4e231d1117731c4e24268bd4cf2a788a6787c12fc7f8d11014c07d582783c
-  languageName: node
-  linkType: hard
-
-"@tsconfig/node12@npm:^1.0.7":
-  version: 1.0.11
-  resolution: "@tsconfig/node12@npm:1.0.11"
-  checksum: 10c0/dddca2b553e2bee1308a056705103fc8304e42bb2d2cbd797b84403a223b25c78f2c683ec3e24a095e82cd435387c877239bffcb15a590ba817cd3f6b9a99fd9
-  languageName: node
-  linkType: hard
-
-"@tsconfig/node14@npm:^1.0.0":
-  version: 1.0.3
-  resolution: "@tsconfig/node14@npm:1.0.3"
-  checksum: 10c0/67c1316d065fdaa32525bc9449ff82c197c4c19092b9663b23213c8cbbf8d88b6ed6a17898e0cbc2711950fbfaf40388938c1c748a2ee89f7234fc9e7fe2bf44
-  languageName: node
-  linkType: hard
-
-"@tsconfig/node16@npm:^1.0.2":
-  version: 1.0.4
-  resolution: "@tsconfig/node16@npm:1.0.4"
-  checksum: 10c0/05f8f2734e266fb1839eb1d57290df1664fe2aa3b0fdd685a9035806daa635f7519bf6d5d9b33f6e69dd545b8c46bd6e2b5c79acb2b1f146e885f7f11a42a5bb
-  languageName: node
-  linkType: hard
-
 "@types/babel__core@npm:^7.1.14":
   version: 7.20.5
   resolution: "@types/babel__core@npm:7.20.5"
@@ -2194,16 +2147,7 @@ __metadata:
   languageName: node
   linkType: hard
 
-"acorn-walk@npm:^8.1.1":
-  version: 8.3.4
-  resolution: "acorn-walk@npm:8.3.4"
-  dependencies:
-    acorn: "npm:^8.11.0"
-  checksum: 10c0/76537ac5fb2c37a64560feaf3342023dadc086c46da57da363e64c6148dc21b57d49ace26f949e225063acb6fb441eabffd89f7a3066de5ad37ab3e328927c62
-  languageName: node
-  linkType: hard
-
-"acorn@npm:^8.11.0, acorn@npm:^8.12.0, acorn@npm:^8.4.1, acorn@npm:^8.7.1, acorn@npm:^8.8.2":
+"acorn@npm:^8.12.0, acorn@npm:^8.7.1, acorn@npm:^8.8.2":
   version: 8.12.1
   resolution: "acorn@npm:8.12.1"
   bin:
@@ -2326,13 +2270,6 @@ __metadata:
   languageName: node
   linkType: hard
 
-"arg@npm:^4.1.0":
-  version: 4.1.3
-  resolution: "arg@npm:4.1.3"
-  checksum: 10c0/070ff801a9d236a6caa647507bdcc7034530604844d64408149a26b9e87c2f97650055c0f049abd1efc024b334635c01f29e0b632b371ac3f26130f4cf65997a
-  languageName: node
-  linkType: hard
-
 "argparse@npm:^1.0.7":
   version: 1.0.10
   resolution: "argparse@npm:1.0.10"
@@ -2957,13 +2894,6 @@ __metadata:
   languageName: node
   linkType: hard
 
-"create-require@npm:^1.1.0":
-  version: 1.1.1
-  resolution: "create-require@npm:1.1.1"
-  checksum: 10c0/157cbc59b2430ae9a90034a5f3a1b398b6738bf510f713edc4d4e45e169bc514d3d99dd34d8d01ca7ae7830b5b8b537e46ae8f3c8f932371b0875c0151d7ec91
-  languageName: node
-  linkType: hard
-
 "cross-env@npm:7.0.3":
   version: 7.0.3
   resolution: "cross-env@npm:7.0.3"
@@ -3135,13 +3065,6 @@ __metadata:
   languageName: node
   linkType: hard
 
-"diff@npm:^4.0.1":
-  version: 4.0.2
-  resolution: "diff@npm:4.0.2"
-  checksum: 10c0/81b91f9d39c4eaca068eb0c1eb0e4afbdc5bb2941d197f513dd596b820b956fef43485876226d65d497bebc15666aa2aa82c679e84f65d5f2bfbf14ee46e32c1
-  languageName: node
-  linkType: hard
-
 "discord-api-types@npm:0.37.83":
   version: 0.37.83
   resolution: "discord-api-types@npm:0.37.83"
@@ -5740,7 +5663,7 @@ __metadata:
   languageName: node
   linkType: hard
 
-"make-error@npm:^1.1.1, make-error@npm:^1.3.6":
+"make-error@npm:^1.3.6":
   version: 1.3.6
   resolution: "make-error@npm:1.3.6"
   checksum: 10c0/171e458d86854c6b3fc46610cfacf0b45149ba043782558c6875d9f42f222124384ad0b468c92e996d815a8a2003817a710c0a160e49c1c394626f76fa45396f
@@ -7720,44 +7643,6 @@ __metadata:
   languageName: node
   linkType: hard
 
-"ts-node@npm:10.9.2":
-  version: 10.9.2
-  resolution: "ts-node@npm:10.9.2"
-  dependencies:
-    "@cspotcode/source-map-support": "npm:^0.8.0"
-    "@tsconfig/node10": "npm:^1.0.7"
-    "@tsconfig/node12": "npm:^1.0.7"
-    "@tsconfig/node14": "npm:^1.0.0"
-    "@tsconfig/node16": "npm:^1.0.2"
-    acorn: "npm:^8.4.1"
-    acorn-walk: "npm:^8.1.1"
-    arg: "npm:^4.1.0"
-    create-require: "npm:^1.1.0"
-    diff: "npm:^4.0.1"
-    make-error: "npm:^1.1.1"
-    v8-compile-cache-lib: "npm:^3.0.1"
-    yn: "npm:3.1.1"
-  peerDependencies:
-    "@swc/core": ">=1.2.50"
-    "@swc/wasm": ">=1.2.50"
-    "@types/node": "*"
-    typescript: ">=2.7"
-  peerDependenciesMeta:
-    "@swc/core":
-      optional: true
-    "@swc/wasm":
-      optional: true
-  bin:
-    ts-node: dist/bin.js
-    ts-node-cwd: dist/bin-cwd.js
-    ts-node-esm: dist/bin-esm.js
-    ts-node-script: dist/bin-script.js
-    ts-node-transpile-only: dist/bin-transpile.js
-    ts-script: dist/bin-script-deprecated.js
-  checksum: 10c0/5f29938489f96982a25ba650b64218e83a3357d76f7bede80195c65ab44ad279c8357264639b7abdd5d7e75fc269a83daa0e9c62fd8637a3def67254ecc9ddc2
-  languageName: node
-  linkType: hard
-
 "tsconfig-paths@npm:^3.15.0":
   version: 3.15.0
   resolution: "tsconfig-paths@npm:3.15.0"
@@ -8040,13 +7925,6 @@ __metadata:
   languageName: node
   linkType: hard
 
-"v8-compile-cache-lib@npm:^3.0.1":
-  version: 3.0.1
-  resolution: "v8-compile-cache-lib@npm:3.0.1"
-  checksum: 10c0/bdc36fb8095d3b41df197f5fb6f11e3a26adf4059df3213e3baa93810d8f0cc76f9a74aaefc18b73e91fe7e19154ed6f134eda6fded2e0f1c8d2272ed2d2d391
-  languageName: node
-  linkType: hard
-
 "v8-to-istanbul@npm:^9.0.1":
   version: 9.3.0
   resolution: "v8-to-istanbul@npm:9.3.0"
@@ -8369,13 +8247,6 @@ __metadata:
   languageName: node
   linkType: hard
 
-"yn@npm:3.1.1":
-  version: 3.1.1
-  resolution: "yn@npm:3.1.1"
-  checksum: 10c0/0732468dd7622ed8a274f640f191f3eaf1f39d5349a1b72836df484998d7d9807fbea094e2f5486d6b0cd2414aad5775972df0e68f8604db89a239f0f4bf7443
-  languageName: node
-  linkType: hard
-
 "yocto-queue@npm:^0.1.0":
   version: 0.1.0
   resolution: "yocto-queue@npm:0.1.0"